Current mood:

optimistic

a stranger
march 21, 2005 monday

the book is right. our lives are interwoven to create one beautiful story. the story that has no definite start and no definite end. every man may he be dead , alive, or about to be born, he plays a big role in the magnificent story told by the best story-teller. your existence, whether you know it or not affects someone's life in many ways. the stranger you passed while walking down the street, the boy who accidentally squirted water at you while playing with his water gun, the girl who brought you hell during highschool, the cafeteria lady whose cooking you've disliked so much, the beggar you shooed away, the priest whose lecture you loved so much or the person who you danced with while partying at a club, all of them are part of the many reasons that you are who you are right now. all of them have an effect to your universe.

a person who has given me much inspiration and much reason to smile is a stranger. i don't talk about it much around my friends, i don't tell anyone at all but this guy has brought much happiness to my life and the strangest thing about it is that i don't know anything about him. sometimes we find inspiration from the most unexpected places, i found mine in a complete stranger. and though i may not get a chance to know him or talk to him and give a stronger base for my fondness with him i don't care at all. all i know is i am happy knowing that he is around.

the cafeteria. that's where i first saw him. i was with a friend who was scouting for a possible crush and he was seated beside my friend's potential crush. all i got back then was a glance of him and i didn't get much of his features, just his hair. at that time i did not care at all. two days later i saw him again, we crossed paths by faura. that time i got a better look at him. nothing interesting i told myself. but his face was stuck in my head ever since. i didn't see him for a long time after that or maybe i did but i didn't care.

then one time during second sem i found myself caught in a dilemma. i was walking around with my head up and a smile on my face but inside i was being eaten by a problem i knew none of my friends would understand. i go on with everyday without anyone noticing that there was something wrong with me. i guess i'm just one hell of an actress. i was stressed with a lot of things. i was losing my will, i was losing control over my life, i felt so contained. i didn't know who i was, i was so confused. i think it was just a phase since there has been a lot of changes in my life recently. i won't elaborate about them here but one of them would be my being in ateneo. i think it was the crowd. it just gets to me i guess. i mean i may look like a person with such a strong character and a person who can take on anything but honestly i am not half as strong as people think i am. i'm just not given the chance to vent out my inner fears, my weaknesses, the problems eating me, the loneliness and feeling of solitude, my insecurities, even the drought in my lovelife . people around me already defined me to be strong person and i guess i like the idea too so here i am trying so hard to live up to it. even though i know it is not good. anyway, where does he come in? well, every after math time on tuesdays and thursdays i pass him by the corridor. he never looks sideways. he walks with confidence and he looks so focused. i've tried to catch his eyes a time or two but he never looked back, i guess he didn't notice. i don't know why but everytime i would see him i felt lighter and a smile automatically forms on my face. it's like having life pumped back into your system. there's something in his eyes, his gaze, it's like a window to somewhere, somewhere where i might find answers to my questions, where i might get a sense of clarity on things in my life that seem to be a blur, where i might find that reason to appreciate better what i have and what i am. those eyes. that smile. when i see him smile it's like a signal that all will be better and happiness will come my way. a line from a song very well describes it.."your smile can heal a million souls"... his smile seems to bring a sort of healing to my wounded spirit. and i feel so blessed having come across him.

i don't know him. i don't know his story. i don't know what's behind that smile. i don't know what's really hidden behind those eyes. i have no idea of who he really is and i find it funny how i don't seem to care. all i know is im glad he is around and may he be a stranger he has brought much happiness during a confusing phase in my life. by the way, i found a solution to the problem i had and believe it or not it still came from him. it hit me one day when i almost bumped into him, there are some things better left unknown and if you really have to know then the knowledge will come to you in due time. plus there are a lot of given chances in life, every step we take is a chance it's all up to us to take that chance or let it pass. and the most important thing i learned is that there really is a reason for everything. a reason to smile. a reason to wake up the next day. a reason to live. a reason to let go. a reason to laugh. a reason to cry. a reason to dream. a reason to work. a reason to play. a reason to pray. a reason to believe and have faith. a reason, he has been. and among the many reasons i have, i would say he is one of my favorites.

those eyes, that smile, stuck in my head, giving me reason to smile,giving me reason to move on, giving me a reason to take a chance, giving me reason and inspiration. a stranger, an angel under cover, a guy from the caf, nicky.